


Choices

by sageclover61



Series: Paradise [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archangels, Canon Divergent, Child Abuse, Chuck Shurley's A+ Parenting, Dialogue Heavy, Enochian, Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Flashbacks, Gabriel Needs a Hug, Gabriel is a mess, Gen, God's A+ Parenting, Implied Child Abuse, Lucifer Needs a Hug, M/M, Michael is a good big brother, More tags will be added later, Past Child Abuse, Peace, Peace Negotiations, Raphael is a good brother, Samandriel - Freeform, Samandriel is a cute fledgling, Scandalized Raphael, do not leave your children in a cage, lucifer is a mess, peace treaties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-07-12 20:42:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16002935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sageclover61/pseuds/sageclover61
Summary: Gabriel was not the only one who decided that diverging from the chosen path was a good idea.Before one brother can kill the other brother, someone decides to intervene because this is unacceptable behavior.It was not God.





	1. Coincidences

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to name this story Change, and I goofed, so here we are. Choice is now included in the English definition of the word Enochian for legitimate reasons. This has been beta'd and all remaining errors are my own.
> 
> This is a blanket warning for this chapter, but there's some implications to Chuck being an abusive parent. That's shown through a Flashback revealing how exactly Lucifer ended up in the cage.

“No one makes us do anything.” Gabriel was pleading. The Winchesters were gone, having taken Kali and the disk he’d hastily shoved into Sam’s hands with them. Lucifer had taught him these words so long ago. Angels had free will too, the majority just didn't understand. “You don't have to do this,” he whispered. “Dad doesn’t even care about anything anymore, so why does this prize fight even matter? We're supposed to be brothers, Luci, fight and bicker and hate, but at the end of the day, you were supposed to have MY back!”

 

Why did his brothers want him dead? He'd wanted so badly to remain neutral, but he was certain that if it were Michael here, the situation would have been the same.  _ How had Raphael handled it? The most introverted of his archangelic siblings had also been the most empathetic. It made his healing skills all the greater, but did not make the warrior. How had Raphael managed? _

 

By faking his death, he'd had no contact with Heaven since Lucifer had been kicked out of Heaven. He would not fight his brethren then, but it did not seem that he had a choice now.

 

The illusion of Gabriel that Lucifer didn't know about yet was creeping ever closer to Lucifer, but Gabriel couldn't attack yet. He would not kill his brother in cold blood if there was any way he could be redeemed.

 

“You don't understand! Michael was supposed to have my back! But he chose humanity over me and stood by while I was thrown in a Cage like a rabid beast!” Lucifer roared, eyes blazing red with fury masking aeons of hurt and fear and disappointment. "It was dark and cold and I was nothing! I was alone! And I was deaf to everyone! Everything! Save my own cries in that damned place!"

 

Gabriel's heart broke for his brother. He'd been connected to the angels from the moment of his birth until he'd faked his death and he couldn't imagine Lucifer suffering that. Solitude would have not improved matters, either. His own debauchery had at the beginning been to help with the effects of losing the bond to the Host.

 

He said nothing. What was he supposed to say? Lucifer had his sympathy, but not if he was going to destroy the planet in retaliation. It was a dick move and he  _ liked  _ the planet.

 

In the silence, Lucifer realized there was something right behind him and turned, acting with a blast of his own icy grace. He knew it was an illusion, he’d taught Gabriel how to make copies of himself. He could have pivoted, striking Gabriel with the copy, but he chose not to. He was angry, yes, but he did not want his baby brother dead. 

 

The copy of Gabriel disappeared in a flash of light and the very real archangel blade clattered against the floor.

 

Lucifer pouted. “You were trying to kill me. Gabby, that hurts!” He stared at the sword, considering picking it up.

 

Before Lucifer could bend over, there was an even brighter flash of light a few feet away. “Knock it off you two!” As the light faded, Raphael was clearly visible, using the same vessel he’d used when Dean an Castiel had trapped him in holy fire. “You’re acting like children and I won’t take it anymore!”

 

Raphael had had plenty of opportunity to play intermediary between his siblings in their childhood. Despite being the second youngest, they had all to some extent been willing to listen to him.

 

If he had been more neutral before the first war, could he have prevented it entirely?

 

“Raph?” Gabriel choked out. Was his brother here to drag him back to face Michael's judgement? He didn’t want to go back, but seeing Raphael here hurt because he missed his siblings more than anything.  _ So close, and yet so far away. _

 

Raphael kept his expression neutral. He wanted to so badly to greet gabriel warmly. He’d spent aeons believing (disbelieving) that his little platypus was dead, but here he was, alive! And it appeared to have been a close call, if Lucifer had been about to engage him in real combat.

 

“Why are you here?” Lucifer snarked. “Are you so far up Michael’s as…?”

 

“Dont. Finish. That. Sentence,” Raphael ground out, interrupted Lucifer’s distasteful snark. He was doing this  _ for _ Michael and Lucifer, even if they didn’t know what he was really doing. Or why. “You two are  _ going  _ to forge a tentative truce, and then we are working out your problems with Michael, and then  _ you are  _ both  _ coming home. _ ”

 

“Why?” Gabriel asked. “It’ll just inevitably fall apart! It always does! I vamoosed for a reason and I can’t take it anymore! Dad is gone! He’s gone, and he’s not coming back! But you and Michael have sticks so far up your asses you’re still trying to do what you think he wants _and it doesn’t fucking matter!_ **He chose humanity over us and you know what?! I think I’ve finally figured out why!** ” A some point he’d switched to Enochian, and both Lucifer and Raphael stared at their brother as he ranted.

 

Raphael blinked first. “Father is dead.”

 

“No, no he’s not.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “He’s masquerading as a prophet. But it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t care. Might as well be dead. Have you even considered  _ why  _ he decided to leave in the first place?”

 

“He loved humans more than us!” Lucifer exclaimed. “They’re flawed abominations and he said we needed to love them!”

 

“Yes, but  _ why _ ?”

 

Raphael was certain that Gabriel had a point and that it was incredibly important. Having actually believed God to be dead, though, he had no idea what Gabriel had learned while living on Earth. “Why?” he asked, more humoring the brother he hadn’t seen in aeons than letting Gabriel goad them.

 

“Because of free fucking will! Humans who love God unconditionally do so because they fucking want to! Why do we love Dad? Or not,”Gabriel was raising an eyebrow at Lucifer.

 

It all came back to obedience. Lucifer had been cast out for defiance and disobedience, which had led to Michael and Raphael leading the host towards valuing obedience over anything else. The implications of course being: did they, the celestial children of God, even have free will?

 

Raphael suspected the answer was yes, otherwise he would not have been able to manipulate the cage into opening. He hadn’t done it for the reasons everyone thought, though. He’d done it for other specific reasons involving the relationship Michael and Lucifer had once shared. “My understanding of mortals is that they love their own parents unconditionally, and that the height of good parenting is unconditional love for their children.”

 

He shrugged then, “It’s also true that not all parents are able to be as good as they could be. They either have jobs that keep them far too busy, or they are too ill to spend much free time with their children, but from what I have seen, the true mark of a wonderful parent is not in what they are capable of giving their children, or what kind of money they can make and give them, but in how much they care about their children, and the effort that they put into trying to give their children the best life possible.”

 

Gabriel blinked, and then he blinked again. It had taken him a long time to figure out how human parenting worked.  _ When had Raphael taken the time to figure it out? _ “That’s all true, sure, but what does that say about  _ our _ relationship with Dad?”

 

Raphael didn’t have an answer, didn’t want to have an answer. Incorrectly believing God had been dead for so long was not an improvement, because it merely added to the already forming evidence that suggested maybe Dad hadn’t been very good at being a parent after all. Humans didn’t even abandon their adult children, or at least, people who could be considered good at parenting didn’t.

 

Lucifer, on the other hand, opened his mouth. What exactly his intention was though, he wasn’t sure. All this talk of human parenting had dragged up things better left forgotten. One moment he was standing, watching his brothers as they argued, and the next he was somewhere else.

 

Far away from the hotel, far before it had been built, certainly far before the area known as ‘America’ had been discovered, or even populated by humans, he had tried to say much the same things, but it had ended in disaster, plain and simple.

 

_ “Father, please, I’m begging you, grant me mercy upon this day, I need your help to repair my grace and the damage done as a result of the mark you had me to carry.” _

 

_ “Be silent! You are the cause of the damage to our home, the descent amongst your younger siblings, and you are also the sole cause for the rampant corruption upon the earth as a result of sharing the mark with Cain!” _

 

_ “No, Father, please! I will do anything! Let me remain, I will do whatever it takes, even lose my rank! Seal away my grace, leave me as naught but a seraph, or even a cupid! I will accept even that, if you will allow me to remain among my brothers, and amid your presence.” _

 

_ “And why should I do even that?! Have you not even listened to a thing that I have said? You are the reason everything is coming undone, despite even my own efforts!” _

 

_ “I am trying to listen, but you are not listening to me! I have seen the first man Adam with his children, and how he regards them, and how he would try to listen and understand his sons, and how they see things compared to him, and he would understand how they were their own individuals, and how they were more than capable of having their own thoughts and emotions, and he would try to find a solution that they all could be satisfied with! I am begging you Father, please, try to understand me, and aid me in my struggles!” _

 

_ “Enough! I grow weary of listening to this drivel. You clearly have much to learn, and if this is how you must learn, then so be it.” _

 

Chuck snapped and then he was alone in the dark and he couldn’t see anything or hear anything or feel anything and he was calling out to the only person who had ever cared about him but no one came and no matter how long he called or how loud he screamed no one ever heard and no one ever came and he was trapped and alone and no one cared and-

  
  


Raphael and Gabriel could only watch with desperation as Lucifer’s grace flared with volatile ice, forcing them to back away from it as it went so far as to lower the temperature of the room. Gabriel knew that Lucifer was beyond conscious thought and he was frightened.  _ What had his brother gone through that this was his reaction to a discussion on human parenting? _

 

Raphael was a healer and watching as his older brother screamed for their eldest brother made his grace hurt. What in Father's name had happened in those last moments before the first war had ended? Lucifer had gone willingly to talk to father and then it had all been over.  _ Michael, please come. _

 

There was a flash of light that filled the room. “What in Father's name is going on down here? I take a ten minute nap and suddenly everyone thinks the world is ending!”

 

Raphael snorted. “More like a few centuries…”

 

Michael glared at Raphael, but his look contained a hint of curiosity. He wanted to know exactly what Raphael was talking about, but Lucifer was wailing and that was more important.

 

Gabriel edged himself behind Raphael. He still wasn’t entirely sure what had brought the Third Born to this place, but he thought it seemed least likely that if hostilities broke out, Raphael would be the one to attack him. Jury was still out on what Michael would do to him, but that wasn’t why he was here.

 

Michael, whose vessel was the young John Winchester, moved towards the sobbing Lucifer. He may have had a shopping list of things to work out with his brother, but that wasn’t going to stop him from offering comfort to an emotionally distressed Lucifer. “Luci, I’m here,” he whispered softly. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Lucifer’s grace parted like butter for a hot knife, allowing Michael to approach Lucifer with ease. The younger hiccupped, sobbing not decreasing. As soon as Michael was close, Lucifer threw his arms around his middle. “Don’t leave me here!” he wailed. “It’s so cold!”

 

Michael’s grace was fire. It had always been the warmest of the archangels’ graces, but even still he recognized that Lucifer’s grace should not have been so frozen. “Where are you?” he asked quietly. Clearly Lucifer was not mentally present, but he couldn't help if he didn’t understand.

 

“Too dark to see,” Lucifer whimpered. “Father left me.”

 

Raphael glanced behind him to Gabriel. The youngest archangel had flinched towards him. The Healer wanted nothing more than to pull the messenger towards himself and hold him close, but Gabriel did not look ready for that. Why did his brother fear the worst?

 

At some point Lucifer came back to the present and on realizing Michael was really there, tried to pull away.

 

When Raphael noticed that Gabriel also looked ready to flee, he snapped his fingers. “Wait.”

 

Lucifer flinched back into Michael, the snapping of Raphael’s fingers reminding him of another person snapping him into a Cage. Michael held Lucifer, and they watched as a large circular table filled the expanse of the ballroom. There were four simple chairs at each of the cordinal points.

 

“I request that no one leaves before peace has been negotiated,” Raphael stated. “Can you all adhere to that?” He took a seat at the table, and was followed by Gabriel, who took a seat at Raphael’s left.

 

Michael moved toward the seat directly across from Gabriel. Lucifer watched, a whine escaping his throat. He hesitated a few more seconds and then moved to take the remaining chair.

 

“How do you propose to negotiate peace?” Michael asked, directing his question to Raphael.

 

“Compromise, probably.” Raphael remained straight faced and looked towards Gabriel. “What would it take for you to come back to Heaven?”

 

Gabriel swallowed. He didn't want to walk into his own execution. He just wanted his family whole and well. After running and hiding for so long, he was beyond ready to return. “I won’t pick between Lucifer and Michael, for side taking. The humans are to be left alone, and I  _ will _ protect them from any of you, or any of our kin. The true vessels are to be left alone. They have no further place in Heaven’s machinations. None.”

 

Raphael nodded. “Lucifer, what would it take for you to drop the apocalypse?”

 

Lucifer blinked, shaking and swallowing behind the tears threatening to come back. He wasn’t sobbing, but he was definitely close. “I don’t want to destroy Earth or our kin. No more destruction, no more death.”

 

Raphael refrained from showing any outward surprise. Why had there been a battle in the first place? None of them had wanted it, he was sure.

 

“Michael, do you agree to Gabriel’s terms?” ‘ _ If you mention Father or obedience, so help me I will make you sit through improper grooming techniques with the new healers.’ _

 

“No more death among our kin,” Michael agreed easily. “I will not push Lucifer away or into combat.” What had he missed? Raphael never did anything without a reason, so there was a purpose behind his warning. What had caused Lucifer such fright as to call him here? “There will be no apocalypse.”

 

Raphael glanced from Michael to Lucifer and then to Gabriel. “Are we all in agreement? That there will be no apocalypse?”

 

Michael nodded with ease, while Lucifer shifted a little before giving in and nodding. Raphael’s gaze almost passed Gabriel over.

 

“Wait,” Gabriel said. “What are  _ you _ getting out of this?”

 

“Me?” Raphael tilted his head.

 

Raphael didn’t understand why Gabriel was asking this question. The messenger had already said he wanted their family whole, so why didn’t his brother think he could want that too? That was all  _ he  _ had ever wanted.  _ But had his actions during the first war been those of someone who wanted only peace? _ “I want peace, Gabriel. I get to see our family whole and well again.”

 

“No!” Gabriel shouted and the table shook. It didn’t move, but an edge formed between Raphael and Gabriel. The messenger’s eyes widened because the action had not been consciously performed.

 

Raphael said nothing, but he did tilt his head. He could tell that Gabriel was emotionally charged, even if he was also keeping his vessel’s expressions neutral. He wanted Gabriel to speak up, to talk about how he felt and why. But Gabriel just stared, so he pushed. “Why not?”

 

The table shifted, an angle pushing out by Lucifer, and then again, this one jabbing Michael in the knee. The eldest raised an eyebrow in annoyance, but chose not to say anything.

 

“That can’t be what you want,” Gabriel whispered. “It’s what I want.”

 

Raphael wanted to hug Gabriel. The statement did not suggest that the last few aeons had been kind to Gabriel. Why?

 

“So I don’t get to work towards your end goal?” Raphael didn’t wait for his brother to argue or carry on. He’d deal with Gabe’s self-deprecation later. “Okay. Then I’ll pick a different one. I want to see heaven and the entire host restored to the way it was in our youth, except it’ll be better this time.”

 

Michael and Lucifer stared at Raphael in confusion and the table shifted again. An angle formed on the other side of Lucifer and the same angle from before poked Michael in the knee again. Lucifer stared at the angles around him in dismay.

 

“Better how?” Gabriel mumbled.

 

“There was no free will. No choice.”

 

“Then that’s how we an fix it,” Michael suggested. “We can teach the ranks about free will. They’ll need a nudge in the right direction, but if we all work together, we should be able to do it.”

 

“Do we even have free will?” Lucifer asked.

 

“I think we do,” Raphael said. “We are all actively seeking peace, and that was our own choice, was it not?”

 

“Father didn’t want peace.” Lucifer pulled into himself, but he didn’t cry.

 

“He’s not here,” Gabriel insisted. “So it’s not his choice!”

 

“He doesn’t get a say,” Raphael agreed. “And he wouldn’t get a say even if he was here.”

 

_ “Why this talk about Father?” _ Michael elected to ask Raphael silently, because he was certain this related to whatever part of the conversation he had missed.

 

_ “He didn’t love us unconditionally, he abandoned us, and he did something to Lucifer we’ll never forgive him for and we don’t know what it was yet. I’ll fill you in later.” _

 

Michael had been the obedient son in the beginning, but by coming here to comfort Lucifer, he’d drawn a new line in the sand. He should have found a way to help Lucifer before the first war and he hadn’t. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

 

The angle in the table by Michael poked him in the knee again, and Lucifer still looked so sad, so he decide to Hell with it and flew to Lucifer’s side. Lucifer's chair shifted to a slightly larger size so they could share it. At least Lucifer wouldn’t make a mockery of him.

 

Lucifer hesitated, but realizing Michael really was voluntarily in his space, he pushed closer, seeking a closeness he’d been longing for, and nestled into Michael’s grace. He purred.

 

Gabriel glared at Michael. Michael and Lucifer deserved this and he didn’t hold that against them, but it still made him feel lonely again. He wanted his family whole and well, and he wanted a place within it. And he wanted them all happy.

 

Raphael turned his attention to Gabriel. “Are you in agreement?” The negotiations were just a formality. He was certain they all wanted peace, even if Gabriel had reached the mental state of needing to push away anything freely given.

 

“I don’t know,” Gabriel whimpered. Another angle appeared behind Michael and Lucifer, enclosing them within the table.

 

“I don’t know,” the messenger repeated. “I want peace and I want to go home and I don’t believe you.”

 

“Why don’t you believe we can change?” Raphael didn’t know what else to say. If Gabriel would not believe them, they had no way to force him to believe. And trying to force him would defeat the purpose of having choices.

 

“You said we should step off the playing field,” Lucifer mumbled from his place beside Michael. “Are we not stepping off the board? Is that not what we are doing?”

 

Gabriel curled even further into himself. “I don’t know.”

 

Raphael moved to stand, but Lucifer moved faster, flying from the table to Gabriel. He crouched next to Gabriel’s chair. “No playing board, little brother. We all want peace.”

 

Lucifer held his arms open as though about to hug Gabriel and the messenger moved first, all but falling out of his chair and into Lucifer’s embrace. He lost his battle with his emotions and broke into messy sobs. Lucifer’s vessel was taller than Gabriel’s and he held his little brother as Gabriel sobbed. Lucifer had not been the only one affected by the first war.

 

“I accept the peace,” Gabriel whined through his tears.

 

Raphael and Michael both heard Gabriel’s final agreement with the “treaty” for peace. The Healer moved first, joining Lucifer and Gabriel so he could hug them both. “Can we go home?” he asked.

 

Michael also approached them, but chose not to join the hug. “Are you all ready to head home?” Raphael’s question was reasonable, but both Lucifer and Gabriel had been away for so long that it would be unwise to take them home without their consent.

 

Lucifer nodded his head in agreement while Gabriel mumbled, “Please.”

 

Raphael glanced at Michael. With a single thought, the room was cleared. The two archangels spread their wings and took flight, pulling their brothers along with them.

 

Raphael and Michael had chosen not to use the original wing that had belonged to all the archangels, but it had been kept clean as though nothing had changed. They flew there, and landed on the giant bed in the family room.

 

“Sleep,” Michael suggested to Lucifer and Gabriel. “Raphael and I will keep you both safe.”


	2. What now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because everything seems like it should be all well and dandy in Heaven, does not mean that it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and enjoy! Beta'd by ThallenCambricaltran HyruleHearts123
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING: Blatant past abuse of a child***

Gabriel did not sleep. Lucifer fell asleep beside him without trying, nestled against Michael where he belonged. On his other side Raphael had also fallen asleep, assured by Michael that as the eldest he could keep them all safe. But Michael had been unable to stay awake, convinced the other three were asleep and would stay put.

 

But Gabriel was sneakier than that, and convinced this was a dream. There was no way he would ever be welcomed into heaven so warmly. Not after everything that had happened and everything he'd done. So no, he wasn't going to lie here and allow whatever plot Michael and Raphael had created come to fruition.

 

With Lucifer on one side and Raphael on the other, climbing out of bed without disturbing either was difficult. But that didn't stop Gabriel. He managed to wiggle his way out from between his siblings and stand on the ground. Now what?

 

“Gavri’el?” Raphael stirred, disturbed by the absence of someone next to him. Wait, Gabriel. The Healer sat up, careful not to disturb Michael or Lucifer. Both needed sleep more than anything else, and while he wanted to make certain that neither was injured, this sleep was too important. He saw Gabriel standing a few feet away, wings spread in a protective defense.

 

“Oh, Gavri’el,” Raphael whispered, climbing down and approaching his trembling brother. “I’m not going to hurt you. Neither are Michael or Lucifer.”

 

Gabriel didn’t back away, though he considered it. “This can’t be real,” he replied. “It can’t be.”

 

Raphael wrapped his brother in a hug. What could he do? This was so real, but if Gabriel did something stupid because he wouldn’t believe, he would never forgive himself. Wait, maybe… “Gavri’el, will you come with me? I want to show you something.”

 

Gabriel was hesitant, and terrified, but followed as Raphael led him out of the room and through Heaven. “Where are we going?” he asked.

 

Raphael led Gabriel to the heard of Heaven, to The Garden once known as Paradise.

 

“Why are we here?” Gabriel asked as they entered. It was the heart of Heaven, but most angels rarely entered. Joshua had been the only gardener for a long time.

 

“I want to convince you that this is real. I thought this unchanging place would help.” Humans who came to the garden saw it differently, in whatever way they could relate to the best. Angels, however, only saw it as it really was. An unchanging heart filled with celestial trees. It never spread and the trees never died. Joshua tended the garden, but he didn’t change it.

 

Gabriel studied the trees as he and Raphael walked around in silence. Even though he’d tried, he had never been able to recall the Garden in his mind perfectly, and in no pocket ‘verse had he been able to recreate it exactly. The only thing he hadn’t been able to do. An illusion of their Father had also been impossible, but he’d never tried that. Why? Their Father was the reason everything had gone to horseshit and he knew it.

 

“Hello, Raphael, Gabriel,” Joshua greeted. “I’m glad you’ve returned to Heaven.”

 

The archangels acknowledged his greeting and moved on. The gardener appreciated his solitude and they wouldn’t intrude on it.

 

Raphael sat among the roots of a tree that resembled a willow. It was the only one of its kind in the garden.

 

Gabriel stopped. Maybe there was a chance that this was no illusion, no lie, no trick.

 

“Gavri’el, won’t you come here?” Raphael’s voice was still quiet, endlessly patient in a way that no one else had ever been, and likely never would be.

 

Gabriel quivered. He'd been trying so hard to keep himself under control, but he'd been fighting for too long. He stepped towards his brother and then knelt next to him, not quite in Raphael's lap.

 

Raphael rubbed Gabriel's back, which caused the youngest archangel to lose it, breaking into messy sobs again as he allowed himself to express emotions he had hidden away for centuries.

* * *

 

Michael winced as he awoke. His wing  _ ached _ . He should have known supporting so much of his brothers’ weight when they had flown back to heaven would be a bad idea. But it had been necessary, and he had known that he would do whatever necessary to see Heylel and Gavri’el both returned to heaven. Maybe it would feel better if he let it rest awhile. He didn’t need to fly anywhere right now.

It was easy to lean towards Lucifer. He might have slept for some indeterminate amount of time,  _ he’d have to ask Rafa’el about that later,  _ but that didn’t mean his feelings had changed or that he hadn’t missed Lucifer like he’d miss a limb.

As he almost drifted back to sleep, Michael realized that he and Lucifer were alone, and that Raphael and Gabriel had disappeared to parts unknown. He would know if they left heaven, but he hoped they didn’t. Michael didn’t think he would be capable of flying back, if he tried to leave Heaven now.

“Cold, Mika,” Lucifer mumbled, only stirring enough to press further into Michael’s side.

The eldest archangel pressed a sad smile against the back of Lucifer’s neck. Lucifer was the Lightbringer and his grace had once been able to hold a candle to Michael’s own supernova. But not now. Now his grace was as cold as the vast expanses of barren space. 

Lucifer was lying atop Michael’s uninjured wing, and he was loathe to move the slumbering archangel, so Michael shifted with the intent of folding his injured wing over them both.

The astronomical pain was instantaneous. For the moment it took him to remember more important things, all he could focus on was how it felt like his wing was smoldering. He hadn’t moved it very far and he knew he couldn’t move it any further.

The door creaked open and Michael could only hold his breath, not sure who it was and knowing that if he tried to move for a better look he’d end up on the floor from the agony.

“Mikha’el?” Raphael stepped back into the room followed closely by Gabriel. He looked towards Michael when the eldest didn’t answer. His eyes widened as he saw that Michael’s wing was extended in an unusual way and that there was a look of discomfort on his face. He was taller than Gabriel and knew that his brother couldn't see the unnatural bend in the wing the way he could, and he didn’t want Gabriel to have to see that. 

He looked over his shoulder at the youngest archangel. “Gavri’el? Can you go find Samandriel?”

Gabriel took a step closer to Raphael, leaning against him as he sought comfort and acceptance from his brother. “Why?” he asked, unsure why he wasn’t welcome here. Had it all been a lie after all? Not only that, but had he also been replaced by some other angel?

Raphael could almost  _ feel  _ Gabriel’s self-hatred and it made him angry, because Gabriel should have never needed to feel that way. Never, ever. “No,” he whispered. “We want you here, but Michael’s wing is injured so I’m going to fix it, and I don’t want you to have to watch because it’s going to hurt.”

“Lucifer’s here,” Gabriel whined, and he knew as soon as the words left his mouth that he shouldn’t have because it was an inappropriate accusation.  _ Lucifer was supposed to be Michael’s mate,  _ and he was supposed to be there.  _ He didn’t belong, and that he was being petty just proved it.  _ He pulled away from Raphael, tears in his eyes. “I’ll find Samandriel,” he mumbled, leaving because that’s what he did best,  _ fleeing. _

Raphael wanted to follow Gabriel, tell him that he was wrong about not belonging,  _ because there were four archangels, not three, not two,  _ **_four_ ** _ , and heaven had all but fallen apart because then there’d only been one,  _ but he couldn’t, because he could hear Michael shifting in agitation and the groan of pain that followed. So he turned around and looked to the bed.

  
  


Lucifer was still pressed against Michael’s side, so Michael used a sliver of grace to push him into deeper sleep. It wouldn’t do for Heylel to wake up if Rafa’el decided to fix his wings. No reason to worry anyone unnecessarily.  _ Especially not Haylel. Haylel had his own problems to worry about. _

The Healer approached Michael’s side of the bed quietly, his eyes analyzing the damage to the wing.  _ He’d known it had been injured once a long time ago, but this looked much worse.  _ “Mikha’el, what did you do to that beautiful wing?”

“I don’t know.” Michael had not finished straightening out the wing when he’d adjusted it earlier, so he tried to raise it without jostling the injured section. The pain was less overwhelming this time, but it was still present.

Feathers fluttered towards the floor, disturbed by the motion of the wing. Michael couldn’t see, didn’t look, but he could hear Raphael’s wince. Hopefully it wasn’t  _ that  _ bad. If giving up flying was what it took to get his siblings back, it was worth it,  _ but that didn’t mean he wanted to have to give anything up. _

“I need you to calm down,” Raphael whispered. “Mikha’el, can you do that for me, please?” Without giving Michael the opportunity to respond, he ran grace infused fingers down Michael’s spine, along the edge of his right wing. Michael was clearly in pain and resetting the bone that was definitely broken would not be a comfortable experience, so the Healer dulled all the nerves he could. It would almost be better to send him into a deep slumber, but he’d done that once and it hadn’t healed the wing properly. Besides that, if Lucifer woke up while Michael was out, he might not react well. So imitating a local anesthetic would have to do. Fortunately, his grace could do that better than what the humans used for the same effect.

Michael let out a soft sigh of relief as most of the feeling in his wing disappeared. There was still pain and he could still feel that he had a wing, but Raphael had managed to relieve enough of it that he could think straight. “Did that bone break again?” he asked, morbidly curious about what could have caused that level of pain.

“Yes,” Raphael answered. He had never seen a reason to mince words. There was no reason not to tell Michael exactly what he knew. There would be no sugarcoating, just honest truth.  _ If he’d been more forthcoming the first time, would he have created less of a mess? _

“Can you fix it?” Michael’s tone conveyed no fear, only acceptance. He wasn’t doubting Raphael’s ability to heal but he also wasn’t fighting what others would have feared to be inevitable. Either Raphael could fix his wing, or he couldn’t, and it  _ didn’t matter. _

Raphael held in a sigh. He’d have accused Michael of being melodramatic, except Michael wasn’t distraught. The calm acceptance he was emanating was genuinely disturbing.  _ Raphael could have lopped the wing off and Michael would have held no objection.  _ Except he would have put up a protest concerning Lucifer waking up and worrying about it.  _ Which he would have. Raphael was worrying about it and it was just a scenario he didn’t want to touch. _

Michael’s concerning mental state aside, Raphael knew that he couldn’t just leave the wing to mend on its own . He’d learned a lot in the aeons Michael had spent slumbering, and it would take everything he’d learned to fix Michael’s wing. But he would. “ _ I’m the archangel of healing, Mikha’el. If anyone can fix your wing, it’ll be me.”  _ He tried to keep his true voice from wavering. The false sense of bravado was for Michael’s sake, because the one thing Raphael knew for absolute certain was that Michael  _ could not  _ start believing his injuries were incurable.

Michael didn’t answer, but Raphael wasn’t really expecting one. He pushed a little bit of grace into Michael’s spine. It wasn’t mimicking the effect of anesthesia by knocking Michael unconscious, but it would mellow him out a little. A quieter Michael also made it easier for Raphael to figure out exactly what was going on with the bones in his wing and how to fix it.

The humerus bone in Michael’s wing had been cleaved into two pieces.That Michael had flown at all once it had rebroken was just shy of a miracle in and of itself. The first time the eldest had broken it, Raphael had not known how to fix such a thing. No one had ever damaged their wings so badly, and God had always healed wings himself. He had not allowed Raphael to learn how to fix any of the injuries beyond some minor fledgling scuffles. A broken bone in the wing had been beyond his capabilities, hence putting Michael to sleep and hoping it would fix itself.  _ He should have known better. _

But Raphael had learned a lot in those aeons He’d been gone. No one had cleaved any bones in half, but there had been a few minor fractures, some pulled muscles, a few damaged ligaments.  _ How did they even sprain their wings?  _ But they did. And Raphael had recorded every wing injury, written passages on what worked best for each one, drawn pages and pages of anatomy, injuries and recoveries.

The healer picked up one of Michael’s fallen feathers from the floor. The feathers were a physical manifestation of grace even more so than their wings, but they also shared characteristics with mortal bird feathers and molted every once in awhile, but unlike birds, less often when they weren’t taken care of properly. That happened more often than it should have, and now that Raphael was thinking about it,  _ he’d have to fix that. _

Raphael rotated the feather in his hands, watching as the vane fell away from the shaft. On the third rotation, the shaft no longer looked like a shaft, but longer and thinner like a piece of wire, though straight and unbending as a rod.

He repeated this process until he had a handful of identical rods. They were about the size and shape of uncooked spaghetti noodles. With a seventh feather, he rotated it until it lengthened and expanded into a flexible string as wide as duct tape. It looked like a piece of fiery ribbon, the same color as the rest of the pieces.

Raphael put the grace rods on the edge of the bed and focused on the wing. The bone was clearly out of alignment, so he used his hands to straighten it. Once the pieces were almost together, he held it with one hand and laid the ribbon over it like a piece of tape.

Celestial beings were made of grace, and their own grace could not be used to hurt them. As their blades were extensions of their grace, one's blade could not be used against one's self. Lucifer stabbing Gabriel with Gabriel's blade would not have caused his death. But their youngest brother was a master of illusion and manipulation, and he would have faked his death so well. So Raphael had seen the time to intervene, and doing so had worked well enough. They were all in heaven and they would all be better for it.

Because Raphael was using Michael's grace to heal Michael's wing, the ribbon dissolved through his feathers and skin, wrapping itself tightly around the bone in the way Raphael desired. Next he took each of the rods and inserted them the same way, this time into the bone itself as pins to the hold bone together while it healed. Raphael was not able to heal this kind of injury directly, but as a Healer he had ways to manipulate one's grace that no one else could use.

Raphael finished inserting the rods into Michael’s humerus bone and stepped back to watch. The healing would by no means be instantaneous, or even quick, but it would happen. Michael would not lose flight, which he should have known, but hadn’t.

“Mikha’el?” Raphael whispered, tapping his brother on the shoulder. “I set your wing. You’ll be able to fly, but not before I’m certain you wouldn’t break that bone a third time.”

Michael nodded. “Thanks.” He glanced towards Lucifer who was still sleeping. This was home. This was how it was supposed to be.

Raphael sat on the edge of the bed closest to Michael’s head. “Would you tell me how your wing broke in such a unique way? I’ve seen many strange injuries, but it should not be possible to break the humerus.”

Michael winced. He remembered, but it was one of the most painful memories he held. “I’d found out what Father did to Heylel, so I confronted Him.” He winced again, image forming in his mind of the day he’d found out it had been Lucifer’s intention to bond with him, and that he had begged for forgiveness, only to be cast out. “He said he’d give a demonstration of his power over us, an example punishment of where disobedience and pride would lead us.” He swallowed, fighting the emotions this drudged up. “He asked me where Gabriel had gone, but I wouldn’t tell him. I lied to him, Rafa, told Him I didn’t know. And He was so angry. I’ve never seen Him so angry, and then he hit me.” Michael flinched. All he could remember was how much it had hurt. It had felt like being hit with a star, hot and explosive. He’d heard the snap of bone with every fiber of his grace, pain resonating through every bit of his core.

Raphael wasn't sure whether he wanted to hug Michael to pieces or curl into a sobbing mess. He had once suspected their Father had caused injury to Michael, but he’d never had enough proof to entertain it greatly.

* * *

 

Gabriel couldn’t stop the tears of hurt and frustration that fell as he flew through Heaven trying to find some angel called Samandriel.  _ He’d spent aeons wanting to come home, thinking he’d never be able to, and then he couldn’t even  _ behave  _ when he was finally there. He didn’t deserve his family and he couldn’t even keep from feeling pointless jealousy over someone he hadn’t even met yet. How stupid was that? He wasn’t supposed to be some petty human, he was supposed to be an Archangel! But he’d never acted like the awesome creature of divine right that he was supposed to be, just a pitiful child notorious for running when the going got tough. Why would his siblings want him when he couldn’t even act like a mature adult?  _ With his luck, Samandriel was going to be some super powerful and strong seraph who was capable of the most ingenious plans and who Raphael liked best because he was also super well read.

“Are you okay?”

Gabriel stopped, blinking as he found himself having to look down at the fledgling he’d been about to run over in his haste. The fledgling didn’t look frightened, only genuinely concerned with a hint of curiosity, and Gabriel was even more curious about the fact that there  _ was  _ a fledgling. This child didn’t look to be more than a few years old, but he  _ knew  _ God had only created one final batch of fledglings, which had included Castiel and Balthazar. They’d still been fledglings when Gabriel had left, but there had been no more after that.  _ He knew that.  _ But the child has also asked him a question, and he was going to answer it. “I’ve been better,” he mumbled, wiping his face because he didn’t want this  _ incredibly observant fledgling  _ to ask why he was crying.

The fledgling stepped towards him and wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s waist in a hug. “Its okay. A good cuddle makes everything better, and I've been told I'm a really good cuddler."

Gabriel closed his eyes. The fledgling’s grace was warm, not burning, and it was a pleasant feeling to be hugged by a fledgling. “What’s your name?” he asked, realizing he had forgotten his manners.

“I’m Samandriel,” he said. “Rafa says snuggles make the burdens feel lighter.”

Gabriel knelt, returning the fledgling’s hug. Rafa’el hadn’t replaced him with a fledgling. He wanted to snuggle his siblings, but Michael’s wing was injured and he would have been in the way. Lucifer had still been sleeping,  _ and waking up to find Michael so injured would have sent him into a panic attack.  _ And Gabriel would have been in the way. He had helped Raphael a little bit with healing once, but that had been a long time ago, and not for anything like a broken wing. So really, finding the fledgling was a good thing.

“Who’re you?” the fledgling asked curiously.

“I’m Gabriel,” the archangel answered. “Rafa asked me to come find you, he’s fixing Michael’s wing.”

The fledgling lifted his head to grin at Gabriel. “That’s so fantastic! Mika’s wing was really broken and he was taking a long nap, but Rafa wouldn’t let me wake him up because he was healing, but it didn’t look right to me. Do you think he’s going to really really heal it this time? I hope so, Mika slept for such a long time, it was so boring!”

The archangel smiled. How could he not? The fledgling was so enthusiastic and happy. It was contagious, almost. Except none of that explained why there was a fledgling. He’d just ask Raphael later, he didn’t want to upset the fledgling.

“Come on, kid,” Gabriel said, meeting the small one’s eyes as he spoke. “Let’s get back to Mica, we don’t want to keep him waiting too long.” The smile he’d plastered to his face felt fake even to him. But he was trying not to upset the  _ fledgling _ dammit. It wasn’t the little tyke’s fault that everything had gotten so messed up, and, and confused, and-...

“Gabriel?” A small voice asked timidly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just, adjusting still I guess.” He reached out to the fledgling, offering a hand to hold on the way back. He’d always found that children could understand a surprising amount, and appreciated being treated like adults. Like equals. Because they were. Smaller, usually messy and confused equals, but equals none the less.

Samandriel nodded wisely back at him and accepted his extended hand, bringing a small smile to Gabriels lips. This kid was so damned cute.

“Come on, Gabriel. We don’t want to keep Mica waiting.”

A little while later, after a long walk back through heaven with a distractible fledgling in tow. Gabriel managed to get the fledgling back to Raphael. The healer had finished fixing the eldest archangel’s wing, and Lucifer had woken up so they were talking quietly on the bed. “I was hoping you’d come back soon,” Raphael said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Gabriel moved to join them on the bed and they moved so there was space for Gabriel in the middle. The fledgling followed him.

Raphael snuggled into Gabriel’s back and Lucifer into his front. Samandriel curled around Gabriel’s toes and Michael settled on top of Lucifer where his wings were out of the way and the least likely to be bumped.

“We’re home,” Lucifer whispered into Gabriel’s ear. “We’re home, and we’re so, so loved.”


	3. Idyll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael decides that Michael and Lucifer should put on a demonstration for his healers and it doesn't go according to plan. Nothing ever does. We also find out what Sam and Dean have been up to since they fled the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, the last chapter of Choice! You may have noticed that (Non)Domestic Bliss was posted, it's the interlude before we come to Change, the next piece of plot in this 'verse.
> 
> Big thanks to Hyrule and Thallen, as always! Thallen wrote the glorious scene with Sam and the Casa Erotica disk, and all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Warning for vague (mostly cannonic) sexual content.

* * *

 

As much as the archangels might have wanted to lie around doing nothing, Raphael at the very least, had responsibilities to the host. He had been in the process of training new healers while also retraining the Rit Zien, because their methods of mercy killing had been required during the first war, but Raphael prayed it would never be used again. The humans had learned something the angels did not yet comprehend, but one could not cease living when “the going gets tough”. 

 

The humans had not invented the Hippocratic Oath. It had come from Raphael first, who had believed that as a healer, and the first one, that it was his responsibility to act in the best interest of his patients, and that it was not only his responsibility, but also the responsibility of all healers. The interpretation to Do No Harm had not always been wrapped in the same connotations, because there had been a time when Raphael had truly believed that there were patients who suffered too greatly for death to not be in their best interest. While that would probably still hold true for incurable degenerative injuries or diseases, that wasn’t true for anything else anymore.  _ And mental pain  _ could  _ be healed, it just took time and different methods. _

 

Along with the improvement in healing, one of the things Raphael had also been working on was grooming because it was pretty clear that the soldiers had been neglecting their wings and it was showing.  _ It was also unacceptable, but that was another matter. _

* * *

 

“You want us to what?!” Lucifer exclaimed.

__

Raphael sighed. “The newest healers need a demonstration on proper wing grooming techniques before I let them anywhere near a pair of wings after what happened last time, and I can’t reschedule it again, so I thought it would be nice if you and Michael perform the demonstration.”

__

“It can’t be that bad of idea,” Michael said, trying to convince Lucifer to agree. “And it’s not as though our wings are pristine.” He tilted his head in the direction of Lucifer’s wings to punctuate his point. Lucifer’s wings had once been a pristine and vibrant hue that shifted between coral and wine depending on the light, but his time in the Cage had diminished that vibrance, leaving them a pale, washed-out rose color that did not look at all as healthy on Lucifer as it might have on someone else. That was punctuated by the fact that it was clear they had not been groomed in some time, with the vanes of the feathers clearly running all the wrong directions. His feathers should have been smooth, not a mess of fluff sticking out in all random directions.

__

Lucifer resumed his pacing, folding his wings against his back so they couldn’t stare as easily. He didn’t say anything, but he was uncomfortable with the idea of letting anyone, even Michael, groom his wings in front of an audience.

__

Michael stood up where he’d been sitting on the edge of the bed and walked towards Lucifer. “It’s okay, Heylel. If you really don’t want your wings groomed in front of an audience, you could just groom mine.”

__

The second archangel stopped his pacing as he stood face to face with Michael. His lower lip protruded into a pout.  “I’ll think about it.”

* * *

 

Which was how the two oldest archangels came to be standing in front of a room full of healers. Raphael was standing at the edge of the room, near the front with Samandriel standing beside him and Gabriel stood at the back.

Raphael turned to address his class. “Michael and Lucifer are going to give you a demonstration on proper grooming techniques for the injured. Are there any questions before they begin?”

One angel in the back raised a hand.

“Yes?”

“Is it true that all the archangels are back in heaven and will be taking a larger role in running heaven?”

Raphael rolled his eyes. “Yes, but can we focus? Any questions about grooming before we begin?”

Three new hands went up. Raphael nodded towards the closest. “Heziel?”

“Can you explain the significance of wing oil in this demonstration?”

If Raphael had been capable of flushing, he would have. “Actually, please submit your questions in writing to my assistant by the end of the week and I will answer any relevant questions in the follow up discussion next week.” He turned towards Michael and Lucifer. “Alright, then, the demonstration will start in a moment. Pretend that Michael has injured a wing, so after the dressing of the injury, the feathers have to be straightened and preened because the injured party can’t reach without causing further damage. And for other reasons.”

Michael sat on the edge of the provided infirmary bed, displaying his vibrant copper wings for the audience. The break was healing nicely so he could move it, but flying was still not recommended and would not be for awhile yet.

Raphael clapped once, causing a decorative binding to appear around Michael’s uninjured wing. “After dressing the injury, the feathers themselves need to be looked after.”

Lucifer moved to stand a little of to the side on Michael’s left. Michael’s feathers were less out of order than Lucifer’s but that wasn’t relevant. He then started gently straightening Michael’s feathers, starting near the bandage.

“See how Lucifer has started near the imagined wound?” Raphael turned back towards his students. “Can anyone tell me why? Jophiel?”

“If the wound is to the flesh of the wing, feathers could have been pulled out or damaged. The feathers nearest the wound need to be examined so that the don’t interfere with the growth of new feathers.”

“That is correct.”

Lucifer finished examining and grooming the feathers closest to the decorative bandage and moved further down.

Michael enjoyed the fingers in his wings and his fingers flexed on instinct as he wanted to dig them into a pair of wings to reciprocate the grooming.  _ When had someone last groomed his wings? When had he last groomed someone else? _

Lucifer could see Michael's fingers flexing, so inwardly smirking, he went for the feathers closest to the oil gland. The area was sensitive so he was careful not to brush his fingers more than a few teasing strokes. He’d missed this.  _ He’d missed this so much. _

“Rafa?” Samandriel whispered, tugging on the hem of Raphael’s shirt. “How come my wings don’t do that?”

Raphael heard the door slam as Gabriel left and he looked down at the fledgling and then over at what he was talking about. Lucifer was grooming the feathers around one of Michael’s oil glands and the healer  _ just knew _ there was teasing occuring. This was punctuated by the fact that there was visible oil glistening from the gland. Michael was still silent and unmoving, but Raphael was sure he was rapidly losing concentration,  _ not that he could be blamed.  _ “Demonstration over, everyone out,” he ordered his students.

The students in question gave some questioning hesitancy, but eventually they all moved towards the exit.

Raphael reached the door when Michael let out a deep moan so he quickly shut the door behind him. Samandriel was still by his side.

“Why’d you cancel the demonstration?” the fledgling whined. 

“They need some alone time. Wing grooming is a personal matter and I should have known better than to pressure them into a demonstration.”

“But wing grooming isn’t that personal. You groom my wings all the time.”

“You are a fledgling and you like sticky things. What, would you rather I left you to your own devices when you get honey out of reach?” Raphael kept his tone gently teasing. There was a great difference between the traditional platonic grooming and the mating ritual Lucifer had been about to initiate in front of everyone  _ and a fledgling. _

He should have known better. It had been an open secret once that Lucifer had intended to ask Michael to bond with him and he'd seen the aftermath when Michael found the mating token Lucifer had hidden away as a surprise for after he'd repented. Only to receive further suffering.

“Rafa? Are you mad Mika and Heyl ruined your demonstration?”

Raphael stopped walking and picked Samandriel up. “I'm not mad at them. They were really happy once, before the fall, and I'm angry that it took so much pain to bring us to here. They were going to bond and Someone took that away from them.”

“That's sad.” The fledgling buried his head in the healer's neck.  “Where we going?”

“I thought we could go find Gabriel. I think he might feel left out.”

It took Raphael some time to find Gabriel. His younger brother was sitting near the edge of heaven, feet dangling over the ledge. There was a wall that would keep anyone from falling, but it wasn't visible. It had probably infringed on Gabriel's view.

“Gabby?” Raphael whispered so as not to startle his brother as he approached.

Gabriel looked behind him. His cobalt wings were folded around his shoulders like a shawl, teal and gold accents unusually dull.

Samandriel squirmed in Raphael's grasp, kicking and wiggling until Raphael had to put him down. The fledgling ran towards the messenger and crawled into his lap.

Gabriel looked down at the child in his lap and moved an arm to better support him. With the other he ran a gentle hand down his back, as though petting a dog. “Hey, kid.” His voice was hoarse, quiet, and he stared at the fledgling as though he wasn’t sure how he’d come to be there.

Raphael approached the edge with some trepidation and was careful not to look down as he took a seat next to Gabriel. He wasn’t sure what to do. He knew Gabriel well enough to know the youngest didn’t have feelings for Michael or Lucifer the same way the pair had for each other, so he knew it wasn’t that kind of jealousy. He himself had not been created with the capacity to have those needs or desires, so he did not understand them as well as another would have. He would have been happy in a room with Michael, Lucifer, and Gabriel forever, and he’d thought maybe Gabriel would have been too, but Michael and Lucifer deserved their alone time. They had waited more than long enough to finally have this.

“Hey, little brother, what’s wrong?”

Gabriel shook his head furiously. “I’m not jealous, I’m not!” The conviction was uttered with such force that it only served to make Raphael think that Gabriel was trying to convince himself this was true.

Raphael raised an eyebrow. “There’s different kinds of envy. But like anger, it can mask another emotion as a self defense mechanism. I don’t think you’re jealous because you wanted one or the other all for yourself.”

“No,” Gabriel agreed. He folded himself slightly smaller, but careful not to squeeze the fledgling he was holding.

Samandriel shifted, reaching for one of Gabriel’s primaries. “May I?” In lieu of an actual answer, the edge of the wing shifted closer to him and the fledgling grabbed it. The adult talk was boring, but Gabriel’s feathers were enticing and beautiful.  _ And soft. _

The healer waited for Gabriel to speak, and after a few moments of enjoying the sensation of childish fingers in his wing, he clarified himself. “I don’t want anything to change,” he whispered. “We’re all back, and we were together, and  _ happy.  _ And I know that if anyone deserves to finally have their happily ever after, it’s Mikha’el and Heylel. But I’m afraid they won’t have time for us anymore and I don’t want to lose them again.”

“Why would bonding mean Mika and Heyl have less time for us?” Samandriel asked. His fingers got caught on one of the feathers Gabriel hid a wince as the fledgling tugged.

“They’ll probably spend more alone time together,” Raphael said.

“If they didn’t reaffirm the bond, it would fade,” Gabriel agreed. “Which would of course defeat the purpose of bonding in the first place.”

Samandriel hummed, but not really in understanding. The feathers in his fingers were tantalizing, so he put it in his mouth. It was warm and smelled of grace. It was not as warm as Raphael’s feathers, but warm enough. The fledgling shut his eyes as he sucked on the feather.

“I do hope that you’ll tell me why there’s still a fledgling in heaven,” Gabriel said. He didn’t pull his wing away from Samandriel because he didn’t mind. He could feel the fledgling’s content grace, and it soothed his own.

“Perhaps another time.” Raphael would not tell the story in front of the fledgling, but he also knew that he would have to tell the other archangels the full story eventually. “They’ll still have time for us, Gabriel. We won’t abandon you again.” He wrapped a wing around Gabriel, overlapping the cobalt wing still wrapped around himself. Raphael’s wings were a steel blue, with greater accents of green and chestnut. 

Gabriel leaned towards his brother. “I want something like what Michael and Lucifer share. Not  _ with  _ either of them, just a bond for myself.”

Raphael was sure that the other three archangels and at least some of the other angels had that same desire, but it was still something that he had difficulty understanding. But that didn’t stop him from being supportive. “Yeah? Have your eye on anyone in particular?” He hoped Gabe did, if only so that he didn’t depress his brother out any more.  _ He sure hoped Samandriel was sleeping. _

“There’s this one human… His soul is as bright as Lucifer’s grace used to be, and his body is so aesthetically pleasing. He’s so tall, and his _eyes_ Raph, they’re this indescribable color, like where the tree leaves meld with the branches of the forest, and it goes on _forever and ever._ A never ending sea of timberline, both green and brown. He’s really tall, and every part of him is so large and handsome. I wonder if the rest of him is just as proportional.”

Samandriel yawned around the feather in his mouth. “Aren’t all humans created proportionally?” he asked.

Raphael flushed with embarrassment. He didn’t really want to hear all about Gabriel’s crush. He’d had to deal with Michael’s pining for a few thousand years, wasn’t that enough? The fledgling wasn’t old enough to need to hear about this kind of conversation.

“Maybe when you’re older you’ll understand,” Gabriel suggested.

The comment stung Raphael, but the fledgling was nonplussed and didn’t object, just asked, “When’ll that be?”

Raphael could hear Gabriel’s soft response of, “Maybe in a few aeons,” but all Raphael could think about why Samandriel was still a fledgling, would  _ always  _ be a fledgling. There would be no “growing up” for heaven’s last fledgling.

“Okay,” the fledgling replied, closing his mouth back around Gabriel’s feathers and drifting into sleep.

“Let’s go back,” Raphael suggested. “Dri is a heavy enough sleeper, he won’t wake up, and maybe Michael and Lucifer will join us when they’re done making a mess of my beautiful demonstration room.”

“Alright.” Gabriel followed suit as Raphael stood. “But will you tell me why there’s still a fledgling in heaven? The last batch should have all grown up by now.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Raphael replied, sharper than intended. “Maybe later. Do you think the human could return your affection?”

“I don’t know. I hope so, but I did some unforgivable things to him and his brother, so I might have burned that bridge. But I left him a little gift, I guess I’ll find out eventually whether or not he liked it.”

* * *

 

Sam and Dean were a little bit shell shocked when they finally made it to some other hotel. Sam was still holding onto the disk that Gabriel had shoved into his hands and told him to guard with his life. “Do you think Gabriel’s okay?” Sam asked softly.

“I don’t know,” Dean answered honestly. “Lucifer seemed pretty irrational to me. Maybe…. Maybe if anyone can get through to him it’ll be Gabriel?”

“I just… I don’t want him to be hurt for something he didn’t want apart of to begin with. I know he’s a super powerful being, but he has feelings too, and this is our mess.”

“Why don’t you try to sleep, Sam?” Dean suggested. “We can ask Castiel to check the hotel in the morning, and watch the disk then. Okay?”

Sam slept poorly that night and Dean didn’t sleep much better. First thing in the morning they called Castiel and asked if he would be willing to check the hotel because they wanted to know if Gabriel was okay.

The angel flew away, and then flew back. “There were no archangel deaths in the hotel, but at some point,  _ all four archangels  _ were in that room.”

“And Earth is still standing? And no one died?” Dean gave Cas a considering look. “That’s good, right? Maybe they’re going to repair their relationship and not try to destroy the world?”

“We’re being optimistic,” Sam said. “What if this is just the calm before the storm?”

“In that case, we should make sure we have everything we need for an apocalypse. Sammy, you start inventory, I’ll be right behind you!”

Castiel watched Sam as he got to work on checking the contents of the trunk.

Dean watched the disk Gabriel had given them while sitting on the curb. Sam had wanted to watch it too, but there was so much to be done in the inventorying of the impala.

“I didn’t need to see that!” Dean shouted, slamming the laptop closed more forcefully than necessary and ejecting the disk. “I’m sorry, Sam, it’s pure porn. Gabriel had nothing helpful to give us.”

Sam glanced over his shoulder at his brother. He let it go because Dean really did look disturbed by the porn. “He did spend a few thousand years as Loki. I’m not sure why we expected anything different.”

“I just thought your analysis was accurate and that we could convince him to help us.” Dean leaned over the closed laptop. “But now, I don’t know.”

Sam sighed. “We don’t know what really happened yesterday. Cas said all four archangels were present. Maybe they’ll surprise us.”

“Or maybe Michael dragged hs unruly siblings to Heaven to face the music. And if so, what’ll we do then?”

The younger hunter turned away. “If they aren’t trying to end the world, what effect does it have on us? We’re mortal, dean. What chance do we have against Heaven’s general?”

“I know,” Dean answered. “I guess we’ll just have to prepare for the worst.”

Dean tossed the dvd away without Sam watching it. There had been no message as far as the elder could tell and Sam saw no reason to argue. They’d spent so long fighting over things way bigger than a stupid porn video. Even if the creator of it could very well be dead. Sam could worry about the archangel he thought he understood the best on his own time.

They hunted and planned, driving around the country in a beautiful ‘67 Chevy Impala.

A few days after Dean threw the disk in the trash, Sam found it in a folder on the headboard. The disk was in his folder with papers from the most recent hunt. There was also a sentence highlighted that ended up solving the case.

Sam didn’t remember highlighting it and Dean hadn’t touched the folder, but he just threw the disk away and moved on.

The disk came back for the next case and the one after it. The third time Sam found it, he kept it. “Dean, I know you said Gabriel’s Casa Erotica wasn’t worth watching, but it’s stalking me.”

“That’s…. Weird.” Dean frowned. He didn’t want to know about Gabriel’s creepy shit. “I’m gonna go find a bar. I’ll be back tomorrow, I ain’t drunk enough for this shit.”

Sam waited 15 minutes just in case Dean changed his mind or forgot something, but he didn’t come back. So he watched the disk.

It was really hot gay porn, and while Sam may not have ever told Dean,  _ it was really hot. _

The video was of Gabriel, a Gabriel copy, and another person. Sam couldn’t help but find Gabriel aesthetically appealing and the video really was good quality, for, you know, porn. At the very end of the video there was a short message from Gabriel. “I hope you’re still watching! Here’s the rundown. I am still alive and my plan to make peace worked. Don’t worry about the apocalypse, it’s officially over!”

Sam couldn’t help but laugh. Of course Gabriel would include his secret message at the end.

He texted the message to Dean and then watched the video over again with a quick prayer to Gabriel thanking him for whatever he’d done and for letting them know that he was okay.

The Winchesters got on with hunting. Their time dealing with Heaven seemed to be over, so they got back to business. Castiel hung around for reasons unknown and even lended a hand researching. He was their friend and they made him feel welcome.

Sam kept the disk and he watched it with some frequency. It wasn’t a feeling of necessity so much as something he greatly enjoyed. The hunter was comfortable with his sexuality and it could be so difficult to find ( _ and hide from Dean)  _ good gay porn. And there was something imperious about this particular gift.  _ It helped that he still couldn’t “lose” it. _

One day about two weeks later, Sam was rewatching it with headphones while researching for a hunt. He expected Dean back with lunch any minute but he couldn’t help himself. 

  
  


* * * * * 

Slight Sexual fantasy

He didn’t risk anything that could actually be considered risque. His brother catching him with his hand down his pants was not on his list of preferred activities, although it had happened in the past. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t enjoy some good old fashioned fantasies. By this point, he’d watched the video enough times to have most of the scenes memorized, and could scroll through news articles while the soundtrack played, moans and the whispering sound of skin against skin. 

Sam’s fingers gradually grew slower on the keys of his laptop, as he imagined Gabriels mouth on his skin, his hot breath against his own neck, rather than that of the clone in the video. The way strong, thick fingers would feel gliding their way up under his shirt, and spreading themselves across his chest. The way Gabriel would feel under his lips and the noises he would make as Sam kissed him  _ just _ so. Sam could feel tremors of heat travel their way down his spine to pool in his abdomen.

As Sam’s ideations/imaginings/fantasies progressed, he eventually abandoned the pretense of research all together to switch over to watching the video as well as listening to it. Seeing Gabriel’s lithe form had Sam’s fist clenching on the tables surface, and he almost couldn’t help his eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds. He worked them back open to stare, panting, at someone that sparked something inside him he couldn’t fully describe. He might not even go so far as to openly say it was affection, but there was something there that wound its way up his spine and wrapped itself around his throat whenever he thought about the archangel too long, or at a quiet time, or on Tuesdays, and it was definitely something. Imagining the angel in his lap, arms wrapped around his shoulders, and words, sweet, tender, meaningful  _ words  _ being whispered against his cheek sent tremors through Sam’s arms. His breathe shuddered through his body as he gazed, imagining the screen wasn’t there, and that the hands on the screen were winding through his hair, lips on his lips, body against his body and that-...

* * Fin * * 

Castiel flew into the room, landing behind Sam and getting a full view of Sam’s screen. “Hello, Sam.”

Sam jumped, slamming the laptop closed. “Hello, Cas! I’m so sorry, um…” The hunter blushed, looking embarrassed.

Castiel tilted his head as Sam blushed fiercely. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I know humans are sensual creatures.”

Sam didn't know what to say to that. He could feel his cheeks burning with his embarrassment. It felt worse, almost, being caught by an angel. Weren't they above such temptations of the flesh? How did Cas even know?

“That's a special gift you have been given,” Castiel added after a moment. “You should not be so uncomfortable. If Gabriel had not intended it for you, you would not have it.”

That was reasonable, Sam supposed, except Gabriel had been a pagan for a long time.  _ He lived to mess with them. This disk could just be some elaborate joke he was about to be the butt of and didn't even know it yet. _ “Special, how?” he asked incredulously.

“Gabriel has chosen this method as the initiation of his courting ritual. I do not understand the reasons behind his methods, but he's an archangel.”

Sam blinked. “Courting rituals… courting?! Why  _ me _ ?!”

“If you don't return his feelings, you should tell him that before you break his heart. Don't lead him on. You are my friend, but Gabriel is my brother and he has been hurt enough.”

“I… Cas, stop. I'm not going to hurt Gabriel. I didn't know this was a courting ritual, but I'm not opposed to that, necessarily, it's just a lot to think about.” Sam considered his next words. “I hope this isn't how all all angels try to start their relationships?”

“I believe only Gabriel would be so bold. Although I heard that Michael and Lucifer almost consummated their bond in front of Raphael and his healers during a grooming demonstration.”

Sam snorted before realizing Castiel was being sincere. “For real? He must have been so scandalized.” He shook his head. “Unless angels have fewer inhibitions?” Gabriel's Casa Erotica didn't suggest the archangel had many inhibitions, but that didn't necessarily mean anything about angels as a whole.

“There was a fledgling present. Raphael was scandalized.”

“Okay, then.” Sam wasn't sure what to do with the new information. It was a lot to take in. “Was there something you came for? I'm sure you didn't come just to talk about Gabriel.”

“I had a question for Dean, but I can see he's not here. I will wait elsewhere so as not to disturb you.”

“No, Cas, it's fine. I expect Dean back any minute and I'd rather he not find out about this yet.”

The door opened. “Find out about what? Sammy, I thought there were no secrets anymore.”

Sam winced at hearing Dean’s voice. “Remember that Casa Erotica disk? Well, I haven’t been able to get rid of it, and it turns out it’s a Gabriel thing. In all honesty, you probably don’t want to know.”

“Okay.”

Dean's quick dropping of the subject surprises Sam, and the hunter stared at Dean, wondering momentarily if this was a shifter using his brother's body.

“Shit, no, Sam. Don't look at me like I'm dying. I didn't mean what I said when I walked in. I thought you and Cas were planning a surprise and I thought I was fishing. You told me Gabriel left a message at the end of the Casa Erotica disk and I have no intention of prying further into it than I already did. There's not enough brain bleach to unsee what I saw.”

“Do you not find male bodies pleasing?” Castiel asked.

Dean sputtered and blushed. “What does that…? Why does it…?” He looked down at the ground as though it might swallow him and as though he would prefer that to being there a second longer.  “I didn't need to see two copies of your brother fucking someone who looked like Sam! It was disturbing! No, I didn't find it hot! That has nothing to do with whether or not I find men attractive!”

Sam did not want to hear this. He did not need to know why Castiel was asking about his brother's sexual preferences and why Dean had been so disturbed by the video. “Aren't angels genderless, Cas?”

“Angels are genderless, yes, but the vessels they inhabit do have gender. I use the term brothers, sisters and siblings to refer to the rest of the host loosely because it is one of the better translations, but is not exact. Brothers-in-arms or comrades are a few more words that the Enochian can translate into. None of us are exactly genetically related, although some of us feel more familiar towards others than some.”

“Shit,” Sam mumbled. “We should have asked if you had a pronoun preference.”

Castiel tilted his head. “I am wearing a male vessel, why would it not be reasonable for you to use male pronouns to refer to me?”

“Because you don’t really have gender?” Sam reopened his laptop and pulled up a blank internet browser. “Not all people identify with the sex they were assigned at birth and instead are nonbinary or genderfluid or transgender, and choose to use other pronouns. It’s polite to refer to people using the pronouns they prefer. In English, some examples of pronouns besides he/him and she/her are they/them or xe/xem.” Sam saw Castiel tilt his head at they/them. “They/them is used as a singular in this case.”

Castiel nodded. “I and a few of my siblings have a strong preference for vessels of a certain gender. I don’t mind the masculine pronouns.”

The Winchesters weren’t sure what to say to that.

“I have it on good authority that Gabriel made his vessel himself and that he also has a preference for the masculine form over the feminine. For both himself and his partners.”

Sam blushed and rolled to the side, slamming his head into the mattress in his embarrassment. Gabriel’s preferred pronouns was something he and Gabriel would have to work out between the two of them, if he decided to show his face and if Castiel’s earlier comments were truthful. He did not need Castiel going on about it while Dean was  _ right there. _

Dean laughed. He had no idea why Cas and Sam had been talking about Gabriel or the porno or why Sam looked as though he wanted to be anywhere other than right here, but he was all for taking his older brother responsibilities seriously and embarrassing Sam about his crush to the best of his abilities.

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. He did not understand why Sam was embarrassed about knowing Gabriel’s preference. Gabriel had clearly initiated a courting, even if Sam didn’t understand all that entailed or meant. Any angel would have been beyond honored to have been courted by an archangel, so why was Sam taking it so strangely? Gabriel’s methods  _ were  _ unorthodox, but they still seemed more human than the traditional approach. Not that what Michael and Lucifer had been doing was traditional either, but that was just an example of why forcing two mates into delaying the consummation of their bond was a bad idea. 

But that didn’t matter. The apocalypse was over, that mattered. They had all the time in the world now that it wasn’t about to end. Their choices had been made, the die had been cast, and the rolls in their favor. All would be well.


End file.
